You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
