I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
