I cannot find my penis.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
