i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
