You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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