yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
