I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
