Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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