im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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