Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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