All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize