HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
