I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
