Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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