That's intense
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
