you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
