party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize