Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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