i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
