Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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