Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
