lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
