Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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