my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
