He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
