I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize