I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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