I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
