I accidentally burped into my bong.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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