Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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