um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
