if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
