She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
