im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Randomize
