I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
