May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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