if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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