Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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