you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize