I have demons in me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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