I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
