So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
