Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize