It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
