Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
