so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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