New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
please don't ironically join a cult
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