Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
