I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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