nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think people are normalizing furries
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
