i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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