wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
