Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just cropdusted the office
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
