explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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