those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
