Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I could fuck to npr.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize