I accidentally had phone sex last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
