Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
