I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize