Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
there is glitter all over my balls
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
