Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize