Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
