I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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