Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
