I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
