You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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