I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
