the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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